Touching
As opposed to any touching between husband and wife when she is in state of Niddah, which is explicity forbidden in the Shulchan Aruch, no such blanket prohibition is found in relation to other Arayot. Thus, while the Shulchan Aruch forbids numerous forms of interaction with Arayot, including winks and gestures and pleasurable gazing, simple touching without intention of affect is not one of them.
The Gemara in mesachtas Beitzah (25b) says. R. Nachamn permitted his wife Yalta to “go out on alonki” Rashi explained that two man placed their hands on each others shoulders, thus forming a place to sit for a third person, which means that Yalta sat directly on the arms of two men.
All this, of course, does not constitute permission for members of opposite sexes to casually touch each other prior to marriage. Particularly among the young,the tendency, of one thing leading to another is too great to allow for any breach by unmarried couples of a rigid policy of ‘Shomer negiah.
Lo Tikrevu
The Rambam applied a torah prohibition not only to sexual relations but also to pre- and proto-sexual behavior such as kissing and hugging: actual relations are prohibited under the penalty of Karas while kissing etc, is punished by Malkus.and the rambam further explains that from the words LO Tikrevu (written twice in the same pussuk) the torah teaches us “you shall not come close” i.e. forplay. I use the words forplay in its widest sense – action or even speech of a sexual nature of the sort that serves as preliminary to or accompaniment of sexual relations.
This proviso precludes social handshakes from being subsumed under the Lo Tikrevu, since a handshake is not a preliminary to relations. This is so even if the handshake includes an element of affection or pleasure; affection alone without the feature of desire is not a torah violation. The Shach already wrote this when he stipulated “the way of desire and affection of intercourse” rather than simply “affection”. In “Sefer Hamitzvos” the Rambam stresses that “Lo Taaseh” proscribes activities that costumarily leads to sexual relations. Handshaking is not one of those.
The controversy
In the community, nevertheless, handshaking between men and women remains controversial. Some rabbis will shake a woman’s hand when extended to them, while others demur even at the cost of embarrassing the woman. I believe that those who wish to be stringent may do so – but not claim that such is basic halacha
5 comments:
great point, well said.
I agree with you 100% and i do shake womens hand when we do a buisness deal,etc.
U write well, welcome to blogworld, will this be shaalos uteshuvas blog?
chosid.
It would be my privilage and honor to answer any question or contrary point of view to anything i post about.
Welcome aboard
Thanks for this well written post.
As someone who has to deal with this shailah daily, I asked my Rov who told me basically the same answer you write here.
Please tell us more about your self. You obviously are a learned person, are you a Rov or a Posik? If so, where?
Hatzlacha with this blog.
Thank you moshe for your comment. I am neither a rav or a posek, i just try to get to the "nitty gritty" of different halachas and mostly i try to educate the public not to be holier than thou when its not even necessary.
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